


junko's lurker lineup

by Anonymous



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: (thats the plan anyways), Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Enoshima Junko Being Enoshima Junko, Humor, Multi, One Shot, Pre-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), both work I dont really care which is true, but without the murder, chatfic, def takes place during like pre-despair time if you know what I mean, idiot teenagers, rated for language and sex jokes, rships are in order of prevalence and charas are in order of appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-17
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29515527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: despair. agony.: incomplete list of people we need removed from here rn …. number 1) fukawa. she comes in to torment me.mondo: Gooddespair. agony.: you get a pass mondo u are so funny :)mondo: Please fucking kick me. Please fucking kick me. Please fucking kick medespair. agony.: 2) togami… he's a little too fruity for me and he is always so mean . out he goes🃏Queen of Lies🃏: Does anyone actually know if Junko is gay, or are we just letting her be like this because it's mildly entertaining when she nearly gets choked out for it?despair. agony.: don't worry about it honeypie :)<3mondo: Wow🃏Queen of Lies🃏: You will die in 7 days.
Relationships: Asahina Aoi/Ogami Sakura, Kirigiri Kyoko/Celestia Ludenberg, Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto, one (1) ishimondo reference
Comments: 2
Kudos: 59
Collections: Anonymous





	junko's lurker lineup

**Author's Note:**

> hello. I haven't slept in about 23 hours. I'm posting this on anonymous because having a dr fic visible on my account, even one as funny as this, would make me want to go drown myself. that being said it was so fun to write even if my brain feels like mush.
> 
> most names should be easy to figure out, but just in case:  
> despair. agony. - junko  
> 🃏Queen of Lies🃏 - Celestia  
> 11037 - leon  
> Bootgirl - mukuro
> 
> the picture chihiro sends at one point (if you dont recognize the phrase) is a tumblr post edited to say "ugh im so mad i need to go home and touch my wife's tits until im not mad anymore" or something along those lines

_Class 78 Study Group! - 7:00 AM_

  
  


**Taka** : @everyone Good morning! Do your best to get to class on time, remember to utilize your planner if you like, and have a great day!

**Hina 💕** : Morning!! :)

  
  


_8:27 AM_

  
  


**despair. agony.** : what the genuine fuck is wrong with you two omfg

**Taka** : I am fairly certain most of us were awake before you, Junko. It is not only Hina and I!

**despair. agony.** : yah but they ignored you. that gets them some respect

**Togami Byakuya** : Thank you.

**despair. agony.** : not u

**Togami Byakuya** : Fine.

**despair. agony.** : wait that kinda hurt omg come back…..

**despair. agony.** : he's leaving me on read T_T makoto come get your man

**Makoto** : I'm trying to pay attention in class

**Makoto** : Also, "my man"??

**Taka** : Yes, everyone please take care to pay attention to their lessons!

**Taka** : Junko, please stop targeting Makoto and Byakuya for their sexuality. We have had this discussion repeatedly.

**Taka** : I will be muting now! I encourage you all to do the same, or move to DMs if necessary!

**despair. agony.** : did taka just tell me not to be heterophobic and then mute

**🃏Queen of Lies** 🃏: To be fair, there are worse heterosexuals in here to make fun of than Makoto.

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Leon deserves it slightly more, I think.

**despair. agony.** : true makoto is very nice >_>

**despair. agony.** : so nice in fact.. he almost seems a little too nice.. a little less manly than he should be.. a little too gentle..

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Not this again.

**chihiro :]** : fellas is it gay to be nice?

**despair. agony.** : chihiro plz go away u are undermining my funny sexist homophobia T_T

**despair. agony.** : oh no taka is coming towards me this might be the end tell mukuro she's a little b

**chihiro :]** : … i was actually gonna apologize to her for a second umu;;;;;;;;

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Don't encourage her.

**chihiro :]** : if you say so :3

  
  


_11:12 AM_

  
  


**mondo** : 11:11 I wish everyone in this class will go to hell when they die no matter what.

**mondo** : FUCK.

**Sayaka** : Are we that bad?

**mondo** : Maizono for once in your life read up

**Sayaka** : I see.

**mondo** : Yeah

**11037** : @🃏Queen of Lies🃏 why do you hate sexy boys

**🃏Queen of Lies** 🃏: If you ever say that to me again I will not hesitate to deconstruct you like a house of cards the next time I see you by Ms. Maizono's door.

**11307** : she invites me over wtf

**Sayaka** : For platonic reasons.

**11307** : what?

🃏 **Queen of Lies🃏** : Your days are numbered, Kuwata.

**11307** : no really can we back up its platonic?

**mondo** : Dms for the love of God

  
  


_12:03 PM_

  
  


**Hina 💕** : Omg hi what is happening

**mondo** : Christ I was starting to think you were dead

**Hina** 💕: Why?????

**mondo** : Pretty sure if you go more than a few hours without talking someone's ear off you start suffocating like a dolphin

**11307** : wtf dolphins can talk?

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : I believe he is referring to sharks suffocating after idling in one place for too long due to lack of oxygen flow. Which may or may not be true, I don't remember.

**Hina 💕** : Omg I wish dolphins can talk

**Hina** 💕: *could omg

**Hina** 💕: Anyways no that's probably true I love talking but I'm working really hard today in class ;_;

**Hina** 💕: I'm doing weirdly good today so I'm trying to hang onto it :) <3

**Hina** 💕: Plus I've been talking in class obviously omg!!! I know you guys don't live on your phones why is this a surprise?

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Because you do, dear. Second only to Junko.

**Hina** 💕: T______T that hurts…

**despair. agony.** : someone called ;)?

**mondo** : No

**mondo** : Why the fuck aren't you dead in a ditch

**despair. agony.** : awhhh baby some wishes don't come true

**despair. agony.** : im too fast for your hall monitor boyfriend <///3 just superior in some ways i guess :)

**Toko** : she's hiding in the courtyard and has been for 3 hours

**despair. agony.** : FUKAWAAAAAAAA UGHHHHHHHHHH

**Toko** : he has the chat muted you will live for now sadly

**despair. agony.** : i hate you lurker bitches smmmmmmm omfg </////////3

**despair. agony.** : incomplete list of people we need removed from here rn …. number 1) fukawa. she comes in to torment me.

**mondo** : Good

**despair. agony.** : you get a pass mondo u are so funny :)

**mondo** : Please fucking kick me. Please fucking kick me. Please fucking kick me

**despair. agony.** : 2) togami… he's a little too fruity for me and he is always so mean . out he goes

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Does anyone actually know if Junko is gay, or are we just letting her be like this because it's mildly entertaining when she nearly gets choked out for it?

**despair. agony.** : don't worry about it honeypie :)<3

**mondo** : Wow

🃏 **Queen of Lies🃏** : You will die in 7 days.

**despair. agony.** : 3) mukuro :((((( i think she's mad at me

**mondo** : I promise someday you will be my favorite shooting victim

**despair. agony.** : omg i can't think of a fourth……. congrats u have all exceeded expectations!!!!!!!!! mwah mwah

**11037** : if the criteria is lurkers then what about hagakure and oogami

**11037** : not that im advocating 4 it i just wanna hear the junko take

**despair. agony.** : good points!! 5 stars!! sadly it doesn't count as lurking if you never look at the chat

**11037** : how do you know they don't look… stalker freak

**despair. agony.** : hagakure is such a ham if he remembered this chat existed he'd be here all the timeeee T__T plus he is soooo high most of the time

**despair. agony.** : sakura doesn't look bc shes suuuuper about like deconnecting and shit thats what u get when ur raised in a dojo… that and shes just quiet and wouldn't have much to add most times LOL

**despair. agony.** : plus having consistent gay sex reduces your need for the internet by about 40% anyways

**mondo** : What the fuck is wrong with you

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Dear lord.

**11037** : if thats true then whys hina on so much

**Kirigiri** : She's going to say gay sex and unmedicated ADHD cancel out like orders of operation.

**despair. agony.** : LMFAO I FORGOT KYOKO IN MY LURKER LINEUP HELLOOOO <3

**despair. agony.** : thought maizono was supposed to be the psychic though 🤔 unless u know something about unmedicated adhd and gay sex…….

**Kirigiri** : Not sure there's a way to win this one. Well played.

**Sayaka** : To be honest, I didn't know Hina had ADHD.

**Kirigiri** : What?

**Kirigiri** : You knew I did. And not Hina?

**Kirigiri** : After *two years?*

**Sayaka** : Listen…

**Hina** 💕: Omg let's not gossip about my developmental disorder please

**11037** : dude i love the phrasing of that like its a little pet

**Hina** 💕: It is!

**11037** : fuck why is that so funny

**Kirigiri** : *Our* developmental disorder.

**Hina** 💕: Omg… @Makoto I'm stealing your girlfriend

**Makoto** : Please no she's all I have

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : You're already sharing.

**Makoto** : I know :) being funny

**Makoto** : Whatever your new lipstick is its very nice by the way. Very resilient!!

**🃏Queen of Lies** 🃏: Thank you. It was expensive, so I'm glad it's appreciated.

**Kirigiri** : I could have told you that.

**mondo** : Dms oh my fucking God

**mondo** : I can't believe I have more self respect than most of you jackasses

**despair. agony.** : omfg i leave u all alone for one minute and kyoko's got a new polycule member…

**Hina** 💕: It was a JOKEEEE JUNKOOOO OMGGGG

**Hina** 💕: I'm a married woman! Ugh!

**Makoto** : What?????

**Hina** 💕: JOKE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Hina** 💕: WE ARE EIGHTEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Makoto** : Ok just checking

**despair. agony.** : u can never be too sure…… ;)

**Hina** 💕: Junko I think next time you are by the pool you should make sure you don't slip on any puddles :)

**despair. agony.** : UM?

  
  


_1:19 PM_

  
  


**Hina** 💕: Sakura-chan says I have to apologize for that so sorry I guess

**chihiro :]** : can i say it is so cute that you still call her that … >w<;;;;;;

**Hina** 💕: She still likes it a lot so I'm never stopping :)

**Taka** : Goodness! There's a lot to catch up on here!

**chihiro :]** : hello taka !!! :3

**Hina** 💕: Hey Taka omg!!

**Sayaka** : Hello!

**Taka** : To be clear, I was not trying to harm Junko at all earlier, or even confiscate her phone.

**Taka** : I was just going to remind her not everyone knows how to take her jokes all the time, and she dashed away from me like a criminal on the run…

**mondo** : You should have taken it

**mondo** : Look what she said. I want to burn my fucking eyes out. I hate this skank

**Taka** : Well…

**despair. agony.** : wow mondo u have a really negative reaction to the concept of gay sex. sounds like U might be a little homophobic…

**chihiro :]** : there's no winning with her …

**Hina** 💕: I still want to slap you for all that but Sakura-chan is making me be nice :/

**despair. agony.** : plzzz no i still remember the bruise u gave togami….

**mondo** : There is no way Sakura is paying attention to these notifications right now you can let loose

**Taka** : Sakura is right! Please do not bend to violence!

**11037** : no wait i wanna see this fight

**chihiro :]** : i'll try to record via the security cameras if it happens :]

**11037** : oh i am so seeing it in person but thats sick little buddy thanks

**11037** : remind me how tall you are hina?

**Hina** 💕: 160 cm!

**11037** : what is that

**11037** : 6 cm difference?

**Sayaka** : Nine I think!

**chihiro :]** : 9 for sure

**11037** : riiiight

**despair. agony.** : my sister is a soldier ill have u know

**11037** : you are not ur sister though

**mondo** : More importantly Hina actually knows how to throw her weight around

**mondo** : So theoretically if she wanted to whoop ass beyond a slap

**mondo** : Enoshima's a little screwed

**mondo** : How much do you weigh Junko you scrawny bitch

**despair. agony.** : its not polite to ask a lady's weight :/

**Bootgirl** : 45 kg.

**despair. agony.** : SHE HATES MEEEEEE T________T

**Bootgirl** : yes.

**Taka** : I must ask you all to stop! This is getting ridiculous! Someone could genuinely get hurt…

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: You mean Junko could get hurt.

**Taka** : I mean, yes!

**despair. agony.** : i changed my mind taka is the only one who loves me :(

**Taka** : I worry for all our classmates.

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Ah.

**mondo** : Get her

**chihiro :]** : oh gosh

**11037** : LOL

**11037** : classic absolutely classic

**despair. agony.** : UNREAL.

**Taka** : What is the issue?

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Absolutely nothing. Continue, please.

**Hina** 💕: UGHHHHHHHHH I JUST REALIZED

**Hina** 💕: TRYING TO DECIDE WHETHER I SHOULD FIGHT JUNKO HAS KEPT ME FROM FOCUSING ON CLASS

**Hina 💕** : YOU RUIN EVERYTHING OMG!!!!!!!!!!!

**despair. agony.** : i believe that blame goes to ur disorders beloved ;)

**Hina** 💕: MUTING

**mondo** : Twenty minutes she'll be back

**chihiro :]** : [ugh_im_so_mad.png]

**chihiro :]** : hina right now …

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Ha.

**chihiro :]** : that's scary don't do that

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Apologies.

**Makoto** : Oh my GOD

**11037** : LMFAO

**11037** : ah to have a wife with tits to touch when you're mad

**mondo** : CHRIST

**Sayaka** : Well!

**Taka** : Did you have that post on hand?

**chihiro :]** : always

**chihiro :]** : it's important to me . >_>

**despair. agony.** : SO GAY SEX JOKES ARE FUNNY WHEN CHIHIRO MAKES THEM???? UGH

**Sayaka** : Yes.

**11037** : yes

**mondo** : Yes

**Makoto** : I feel like I shouldn't answer this, but yes

**Taka** : Admittedly, they are more endearing from Chihiro.

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Utterly and completely, yes.

**chihiro :]** : :3c

**despair. agony.** : UGH. MISOGYNY.

**despair. agony.** : .

**despair. agony.** : hey guyzzzzz

**despair. agony.** : am i seeing thingssss or does ms oogami's status currently say online

**Sayaka** : Oh, hi, Sakura!

**mondo** : Thank fucking God someone normal at last

**11037** : you ran a biker gang my man

**mondo** : Yeah we need to tip the scales in here

**Taka** : Good afternoon, Sakura! I cannot in good faith recommend scrolling up. I hope your day has been lovely.

**Makoto** : Hey Sakura!! Good to see you in here

**despair. agony.** : hey girl do you want like a tutorial on how to set a profile picture orrrrrr

**🃏Queen of Lies** 🃏: Junko, shut the fuck up.

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Hello, Sakura.

**chihiro :]** : hi sakura ! do you like my joke :]

**despair. agony.** : what the fuck omfg

**Oogami Sakura** : Hello.

**Oogami Sakura** : Taka -- I read up a bit, but respectfully it is a lot to read. I hope you all are not getting each other into trouble.

**despair. agony.** : are you for real

**Oogami Sakura** : Junko -- I am fine without a profile picture. I do not take pictures often so I am not sure what I would put there.

**despair. agony.** : your face.. just a pic of your face… that's all…

**Oogami Sakura** : Chihiro -- I do. That is more or less accurate, and very funny.

**despair. agony.** : ARE YOU SHITTING MEEEEEE

**chihiro :]** : heehee i'm glad

**Oogami Sakura** : Anyways, I only thought I would check in since Asahina seemed very irritated by you all today. I see it is mostly on Junko's part as I expected and otherwise business as usual.

**11037** : LOL "goddamn that bitch enoshima's at it again"

**Oogami Sakura** : Not the words I would use.

**Oogami Sakura** : But, yes.

**mondo** : Two years and you still call Hina by her surname

**Oogami Sakura** : It is polite.

**Makoto** : You do refer to everyone else with their given name or a nickname…

**Oogami Sakura** : It is polite.

**Sayaka** : Oh, leave her alone, it's cute. Hina still calls her Sakura-chan, it's their *thing.*

**Taka** : Agreed!

**Oogami Sakura** : Correct. Thank you.

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : It is quite cute.

**Oogami Sakura** : Anyways. I took advantage of a short break to come in here, but I should return to my work now.

**Sayaka** : Oh, I can actually see you from where I am! Look, to your left, I'm waving!

**Sayaka** : She waved back!

**Oogami Sakura** : I will see you all later.

**Oogami Sakura** : Please keep Asahina from attacking Junko if possible.

**Makoto** : Bye, Sakura!!

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Until next time.

**11037** : see ya

**mondo** : Catch you later

**chihiro :]** : bye !!!!! :3

**Taka** : Good to catch up!

**despair. agony.** : . sooooo

**despair. agony.** : are we all gonna glaze over sakura basically saying hina touches her boobs to calm down oooorrrrr >_>

**Sayaka** : I can't believe you would pry into their lives like that.

**despair. agony.** : WTFFFFFFF OMFG

**mondo** : Such a fucking dick move

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: Speaks volumes to how you see your friends, more as characters than people, really…

**chihiro :]** : just like telling me to be quiet this morning …

**Sayaka** : For shame, Junko. For shame.

**despair. agony.** : i can't beLIEEEEVE u people omfg all that and you guys just start layering it on me like im some kind of hang on

**despair. agony.** : um

**despair. agony.** : so um hina is currently staring me down from down the hallway

**despair. agony.** : she just glanced at her phone then up at me… ummm. help

**despair. agony.** : waitomg shes coming towards s smeSHES PICKIG UP SPEED HELP!! a a

**Taka** : Oh no!

**Makoto** : Oh god

**11037** : CHIHIRO GET THE CAMERAS

**chihiro :]** : HANG ON HANG ON HANG ON T________T I WASNT READY

**despair. agony.** : H g

**despair. agony.** : bnm

🃏 **Queen of Lies** 🃏: So ends Enoshima Junko…

**mondo** : Good fucking riddance

  
  


_4:37 PM_

  
  


**Hina 💕** : Hi

**mondo** : Was it worth it

**Hina** 💕: Mostly :)

**Hina 💕** : Sakura-chan has a message for you all I'm gonna pass her my phone!!

**Makoto** : Uh oh

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Well.

**Hina 💕** : Hello. Sakura here.

**Hina 💕** : I am profoundly disappointed in all of you.

**11037** : christ

**Sayaka** : Oh…

**Taka** : Agreed. Nothing should have gotten that far!

**Hina** 💕: All of you except for Chihiro.

**Hina 💕** : That joke was very funny.

**chihiro :]** : yay !!

**Hina** 💕: That's all. Giving this back to Asahina now.

**Hina 💕** : Okay hi!!!!!! That didn't sound so bad!

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : No, I think it was.

**mondo** : Sakura's disappointed in me I don't think I can take this

**Sayaka** : I feel so empty… and ashamed…

**Hina 💕** : Omg come on

**Hina 💕** : She forgives easily!!!! You'll all live

**Makoto** : Do you get this often??

**Hina** 💕: She's most of my impulse control so yeah :) she's really not that upset at all

**Hina** 💕: But also it was Junko's fault!!!!!!!

**mondo** : Did you fucking kill her or something

**Hina** 💕: She's FINEEEE omg!!!! I think her phone screen shattered when she dropped it but she's physically fine I swear

**11037** : well at least she has the weight of sakura's disappointment on her shoulders

**despair. agony.** : i feel no guilt for i committed no crime ;)

**Hina** 💕: Oh my God

**Hina** 💕: Nevermind I'm going to beg Sakura's forgiveness now it wasn't worth it!!!!!!!! How did God create such a horrible person ever!!!!!!

**despair. agony.** : yah i bet ur gonna beg huh ;)

**Togami Byakuya** : I can't take it anymore.

_ENOSHIMA JUNKO was kicked from the group!_

**Togami Byakuya** : Finally. Rest. Freedom. You are all welcome.

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Good lord.

**Bootgirl** : thank you

**mondo** : WHY THE FUCK DID HE GET TO DO IT

**Taka** : Byakuya! There are better ways of resolving things!

**Togami Byakuya** : Kiyotaka. I don't care.

**Sayaka** : Finally, some positive straight representation.

**Togami Byakuya** : Don't talk to me.

**11037** : and he's gone

**chihiro :]** : like dust in the wind …

**Bootgirl** : [image0.png]

**Bootgirl** : she's crying in my dms.

**🃏Queen of Lies🃏** : Don't you two share a dorm room?

**Bootgirl** : ?

**Bootgirl** : she's in the nurse's office.

**Makoto** : Wait what

**Bootgirl** : asahina broke her wrist?

**Makoto** : WHAT

**mondo** : @Hina 💕 fucking LIAR?

**Sayaka** : She BROKE it?

**Bootgirl** : yes.

**11037** : @Hina 💕

**chihiro :]** : @Hina 💕

**Taka** : @Hina 💕 I can't believe you!

**toko** : @Hina 💕 i actually really wanna hear about this

**mondo** : @Hina 💕 @Hina 💕 @Hina 💕 COME THE FUCK BACK HERE DID YOU DO IT ON PURPOSE

  
  


_11:42 PM_

  
  


**Hina 💕** : Okay sorry so I know how that looks

**Hina 💕** : But I swear it wasn't me

**Makoto** : SEVEN HOURS


End file.
